


The Ties That Bind

by arieldreemurr



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Autism Spectrum, Depression, F/F, Hair-pulling, Lesbian Character, Rough Kissing, Trans Diana Cavendish, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29146662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arieldreemurr/pseuds/arieldreemurr
Summary: Diana is having some issues with her hair. Her friends try to help, to mixed results.
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 11
Kudos: 50





	The Ties That Bind

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: Some discussions of Anxiety, Mental Illness, and Grief

Diana Cavendish, heir to the noble house that reached back centuries, esteemed prodigy of witchcraft, the pride of Luna Nova Magical Academy, and expected future leader of the magic world, was having a bad hair day. Or week.   
This was something of an understatement, as despite her protestations to the contrary, there existed a relatively high chance that this frustration may have been gnawing and eating at her brain for several months now. It itched constantly, infinite hordes of phantom lice infesting her locks and crawling across her skin. It was long and unbrushed enough to be getting into her mouth at the most inopportune of times; and of course, fallen tendrils were found all over her clothes, floor, and personal effects. It didn't help that Hannah and Barbara's things were also caught in this path of destruction, which they were keen to acutely remind her of. Her therapist assumed it to be the latest manifestation of her anxiety disorder, which involved constantly picking at her curls and pulling, clumps of green hair wrapping around her fingers and coming out at an alarming rate. She had ceased to even brush through fear that it would only exacerbate the process. It didn't matter. None of it mattered.  
"That's it!!!" Hannah angrily announced one Summer's morning, having found wirey hair on her desk again. "You clearly have a problem, Diana!"  
"I know..." she whispered in response, still scratching at her perpetually itchy scalp.   
"How on earth did you become so messy, Diana?" asked an incredulous Barbara, wincing after picking up a stray strand of blonde hair from off of the floor. "You used to put so much effort into your appearence! What happened?"  
"I... don't know..." Diana sighed, trying to keep her hands away from her skull, and ultimately failing when the itching became too unbearable.  
"Hands down, right now!" Hannah commanded, her words snapping Diana's arms straight to her side like an obedient servant, evoking images of the way that Aunt Daryl and her cousins had treated members of the household. Hannah could be quite the vicious little thing at times. Diana wasn't taking any chances, with her being one of the few people on this earth with the capacity to truly frighten her. Hannah's reaction to her donating her old room to the magic unions and moving into a regular, admittedly uncomfortable rectangular dorm had been... less than ideal.  
"I'm sorry that living with me over the last several months has become something of a chore..." she apologised. "Truly, I am..."  
"Well, you were always high-maintenance. This is nothing," admitted Hannah. "Still, are you gonna do something about this?"  
Diana knew that one of the easiest routes to take was to simply wash her hair more, like she used to, but what she hid from the others was a most shameful, yet simple truth: she just didn't want to. She was tired and groggy on most days, and after her latest bout with depression, she hadn't had the energy or will to do much at all. A typical day now involved waking up, usually late, taking her meds, having the most minimal shower possible, trying not to fall asleep in class after the fiftieth recap of concepts she already knew, and then just heading to bed. She had been a walking corpse operating on auto-pilot for a while now. Her grades were as high and stable as ever, but nothing particularly brought about many feelings of accomplishment anymore or... anything at all. By this point, it was just endless cycles and monotony. Her worst sin, however, that made her feel the most worthless, was that Akko was always busy, and Diana often found herself to be too exhausted and deflated to even visit her.  
"High-maintenance..." she repeated under her breath. It was more accurate to say that she had been on incredibly low-maintenance, forgetting the tools that she needed to keep herself running on any acceptable level at all. "Far from optimum..."  
"Hmm?" Hannah's eyebrows raised.  
"Nothing..." said Diana, wrapping herself back up in her blankets and resting her head against the pillow. "I'm going to take a few more hours..." she yawned, allowing her eyes to ease shut as she snuggled up to Gwen, her childhood teddy bear and only fourth or fifth most closely-guarded secret. "Wake me up when it's First Period..."   
Hannah looked to Barbara, and Barbara looked to Hannah.   
"Uhh... you have Numerology in twenty minutes," Barbara informed Diana.   
Her eyes slammed open, her body shooting upright.  
"Damnit!" Diana cursed. "I mixed up my weeks again!"  
"Again...?"  
She was suddenly up on her feet, and made a dash for the bathroom, the door slamming behind her with a thud.   
Barbara looked towards Hannah again, who didn't have anything of substance to contribute.   
The bathroom door eased open slightly, and Diana poked her head out awkwardly.  
"Umm... please don't tell anyone that..." she pleaded before retracting and gently pulling back the handle to ease the door shut.   
"Good grief..." whispered Barbara.   
"You could say that again..." added Hannah.  
  
Professor Babcock droaned on whilst scratching theorems into the chalkboard. It seemed to be a recap of the applications of Pythagoras and it's use in manipulating physical matter with magic. Diana's eyes were only half-open, and less than half of her attention was given to the lesson. Thankfully, she was seated to the far end of the back row, beside the window overlooking the gardens. She largely found herself hyperfocusing on a family of white rabbits scuttling around the broken Jennifer fountain, living their lives so blissfully unaware of the world around them. The bunnies took her back to more innocent times, reminding her of the joy she had felt on that warm summer's day...  
The broken sculpture atop the fountain had reformed. Rather than Jennifer's weathered crumbling visage now stood a proud unicorn, suspended in it's moment of glory, kicking it's forelegs towards the heavens with certainty and drive. It's horn emanated a dazzling green glow, much like that of the Sorceror's stone used at Luna Nova and Diana's own household. It enticed her. Drew her in.   
A sharp poke on her shoulder lurched her head up from the textbook whence it rested.  
"Huh...?"  
The stern bespectacled girl sitting next to her wasn't impressed.   
"Diana..." Gaëlle whispered, ensuring that Babcock, mid-lecture, would not hear them. "This is becoming rather worrying."  
After what must have been a quick doze, Diana allowed her eyes to adjust to the textbook. Strands of hair were strewn across the pages.  
"It's happened again..." continued Gaëlle, "your eyes began to flicker, and the next time I looked at you, you were out, albeit still picking at that mop of yours." She eased a little. "I'm sorry for coming off as cold... I'm just worried."  
"Please don't worry about me..." Diana murmured in response. "I'm just a little tired, is all..."  
"You've been tired for months now..." Gaëlle hissed harshly, before apologising again. "Sorry... I'll stop doing that."  
"You probably should, though," returned Diana, remorsefully. "My... state. It's causing problems for others, too..."   
"Well, at least you can admit it. You still on your meds?"  
"Yes... they make me so sleepy, though..."  
Gaëlle put her head down. "I'm really sorry for what you're going through," she expressed softly. "Are you at least going to do something about that hair? It looks... disarrayed. And no offense..." she hesitated for a moment, "... when you pick at it here it gets over the desk and my work."  
Diana only felt worse now. She knew that her friend was trying to explain her problem with more grace than Hannah would ever show, but the exact same frustration was conveyed, and it relayed an unfortunate recognition from everyone she cared about that Diana had to come to grips with: That she just wasn't taking care of herself anymore.   
Gaëlle removed her glasses to give them a quick wipe with her cloth, before returning them to her face. "I get it, I really do. It's horrible to feel this way. Don't worry. I'll keep your secret."  
Her words alarmed Diana, alerting her to a dangerous possibility that made her seated heart knock against her ribs at the thought of such a secret getting out. "Uh... which secret...?" Did Gaëlle know? She couldn't know. And if she did, then how many others could potentially find out?  
Gaëlle seemed confused. "About your meds. And the therapy. It's rough, and I get it. No-one else will know unless you tell them. My lips are sealed."  
 _Oh_.  
Diana relaxed a little, her heartrate returning to it's regular sequence of beats as she let out a breath of relief. "Thank you, Gaëlle. I really appreciate it."  
The girl smiled, which was a rarity if her roommates were to be believed. "No problem, Diana." Her words possessed an unusual kindness that she wasn't known for.   
Gaëlle, sensing an air of discomfort, changed the subject. "So how's our little merman coming along?"  
Diana couldn't help but giggle at the way Akko's reputation varied across the academy. "She's ok... I think." She found the guilt begin to creep back up and permeate once more. "I need to see her more often... I've been a terrible girlfriend as of late."   
"I'm sure she understands that things are difficult for you at the moment. I have faith that she'll stay with you to the ends of the earth, if her reputation proceeds her. The saviour of magic, and all of that?"  
Diana allowed her lips to curve into something resembling a half-grin, and tilted her head to the side a little. "Yes... our saviour of magic... mine, at least."  
"MISS FISCHER!!!" a voice rang out from the head of the lecture theatre, arresting both of their attentions. Babcock. "Would you kindly stop distracting Diana?"   
Gaëlle's eye began to twitch as it seemed as though she were about to burst a blood vessel. "B-but... I didn't..." She knew that she couldn't win this. "Fine... of course, Professor..."  
She looked to Diana, who could only shrug. Appreciating the irony, both of them smirked accordingly.   
However, once they got back to their work, Diana could only find her attention wavering from the lecture again, as whilst she tried to write with her right hand, the index finger of her left found itself involuntarily wrapping a ringlet around the dried flesh, rough and coarse , before forcefully pulling, taking out a large chunk that broke apart, the strands, once again, splayed across the open pages of her textbook.   
_Damnit. I can't help myself._  
  
At the end of the lesson, after the students had been dismissed, Diana and Gaëlle said their goodbyes for the day, the latter gaving the impression of parting ways, but instead chose to stay for a while, watching as Diana meandered down the corridor before turning a corner, scratching at her scalp again and trying to avoid the sea of students that threatened to suffocate them both.  
Gaëlle reached into her pocket for her phone. For all her faults, the legacy of Professor Croix had relaxed many of Luna Nova's restrictions on technology, and Gaëlle for one was extremely grateful. After a passive thought as to when the professor's incarceration would end, she dialled the number of a mutual friend.   
"It's worse than we first imagined," she informed the recipient.   
  
Diana returned to her room. She so desperately needed some rest, and feared that her condition would only worsen. She resolved to work on a few hours of revision first before she settled down for the afternoon. That would make her feel useful, right?  
She couldn't say, and as she stumbled into her dorm room, she was met with a most unexpected sight.   
"Akko...?"  
Her girlfriend was seated at Diana's desk, the chair turned to face her, having been waiting for the opportunity to talk.  
"Hello, Diana..." addressed Akko, a hint of sadness in her tone.   
Diana wanted to throw herself into bed, but instead remained frozen to the spot, more from embarrassment than from fear. It was humiliating for Akko to see her like this, and frankly unfair to the brunette. She didn't deserve to have to put up with the Diana that came with all of this extra baggage. It's not what she signed up for.  
"I didn't... want you to see me like this, Akko... I'm so sorry I haven't been around much."  
"It's ok!" Akko assured her, leaving her seat to wrap her arms around Diana. She remained anchored in place, not quite sure how to respond to Akko's advance. She didn't deserve it... Akko was too good for such a perpetual mess.  
As par for what was expected, Diana reciprocated and brought her arms around Akko's back, clutching the soft fabric of her uniform like her life depended on it. Her legs began to tremble, eyes secreting the all-too familiar tears as she once again found herself caught in the whirlwind of regret that was slowly consuming her life. It wasn't a show of courtesy anymore. It was real. It always ended up being real. That was good, wasn't it?  
Diana began to cry as she fell to her knees, barely able to make out the girl above her through the spreading blur and mist of her vision.  
"It's ok, Diana..." she whispered, cupping her cheeks gently and planting a kiss on her forehead.  
"T-thank you..." Diana whimpered, as Akko pulled her back up and offered a tissue.   
"No need to thank me."  
"No... I really do..." retorted Diana as she dabbed her eyes, sniffing. "There's so much wrong again... I'm dissatisfied with my studies, I'm tired all the time, my therapist says that I should take some time off, but it feels wrong to do so. I'm slowly becoming insufferable..."  
Akko wasn't having any of this. "That's dumb, Diana! There's literally nothing you can do to make me stop caring about you! Forever and ever, and all of that?"  
"Even badmouthing Chariot?" was Diana's poor attempt at humour as a coping mechanism.   
Akko laughed anyway. Her girlfriend's bad jokes were somehow on par with her own. "We both know you would take it back within five seconds! We're both the way we are because of her."  
 _For better and for worse_ , reflected Diana.  
"Yes... cut from the same cloth, I suppose," she posited, musing as usual on the curious and bizarre set of circumstances that had led them both to this exact point, right here, right now.   
"Speaking of cutting..." began Akko.   
Uh oh...  
"... we should probably talk about how things have changed in the last few months. You deserve rest, of course, but we also need to find a way to eventually get you back on your feet!"  
Diana found her naivety to be as sweet as ever, but this wasn't something that could just be fixed. Not with any singular event or gesture.  
"It's going to be rough..." Diana informed her, flatly. "This isn't pleasant."  
"I know... but I'm here."  
Diana sat on the bottom bunk - the absent Barbara's bed - Akko joining her, holding her hand.  
"How did you know that I haven't been doing particularly well as of late anyway? I made a point to purposefully avoid you when I was like this."  
Akko once again laughed at this ridiculous statement, the irony not lost on her. "You literally just answered your own question, Diana! I thought that I was the dumb one!"  
"Hey, don't talk about my girlfriend like that!" Diana teased. "She's not dumb at all!"  
The two continued to laugh together for a short while, before Akko leaned her head against Diana's shoulder. "I miss this..." she murmured, an air of sorrow for times past permeating.   
"Me too..." Diana reiterated, hoping that her disastrous hair wouldn't drape over Akko. "Again, really, from the bottom of my heart: I'm sorry that I haven't been around much..."  
"It's ok... It's ok... There are so many people that care about you. More than you would think. Do you know how many people daily come to me just to ask 'how's Diana'? We all love you."  
Diana squeezed her hand tighter, and gently patted her head, like she enjoyed. At least one of them had soft hair that seemed to be taken care of. "I love you too..." Forever and ever, and all of that.   
But she couldn't keep her free hand away. Provoking her once again, a knotted clump of coils, admittedly a result of her compulsive messing and twirling with her fingers in the first place, found itself violently torn from the root, stinging with a momentary fury, and scattered across the floor.   
Akko immediately noticed. "We need to do something about that especially. A friend, who will go unnamed..."  
"Gaëlle?"  
"Ok, Gaëlle. She said that your compulsions are getting even worse. And I can see that."  
Diana was fairly sure that Gaëlle had a crush on Akko, albeit in a certain form that she rarely used. She kept this to herself.  
Akko continued. "Sucy thinks you might have Tric... Tricho...? Uhh...?"  
"Trichotillomania," Diana said confidently. "Yes. It's certainly crossed my mind." A cruel, unending desire to fiddle with and eventually pull out pieces of hair: a compulsion that was no-doubt a byproduct of the resurfacing and flaring up of her condition.  
"So... what are we going to do about it?" Akko asked, already knowing the answer, but hoping that Diana would too.  
"I could tie it back?" she suggested. "It might help to suppress the urges."  
"It won't stop the itching, though..." responded Akko. "It'll just redistribute it."  
"I don't actually think that there's anything making me itch more than usual..." Diana hypothesized. "It's psychological. Maybe I'm... just... Maybe it's just that..." Diana looked down, nervous to share the most obvious conclusion.   
"What, Diana?' gawked Akko, genuinely curious. "What is it...?"  
Diana gulped, and let it out. "Maybe... with the changes happening, and the anxiety, and all of this... maybe I just don't like my hair anymore?"  
Akko hadn't thought about that. "Oh."  
"It... weighs heavy, you know? Often I feel like it's too much. I only recently shifted to this opinion as I slowly lost the will to deal with it's tangles and intrusive brushing, though... so I don't want to jump to conclusions..."  
"It kind of feels like you have."  
The two remained silent for a while, not really sure of who should speak next. Diana, embarassed at her own self-realisation, and Akko, wondering if this meant what she thought it meant.   
"Uhh..." Akko finally spoke. "Do you want to do something about it?"   
Diana knew what this would mean though.   
"I... can't..." she breathed.   
"Why...?"  
"I just... can't..." she repeated, albeit with little conviction.  
After another pause, Akko put all of her cards on the table.  
"It's about your childhood, isn't it?"  
Diana almost protested, but couldn't. Akko had hit the nail on the head, after all.  
"Partly..." Diana said slowly. "That will always hang over me..."  
"It doesn't have to, you know..."   
"Cutting it would feel wrong, like a violation of something sacred. I feel so... guilty for even contemplating it... It's wrong. It's all wrong."  
"Maybe you deserve to focus on your own comfort for once, and not worry so much about what other people might think," Akko suggested. "After all, none of our opinions of you are going to change."  
Diana expected tears again, but her eyes were dry, having exhausted her supply.  
"What would you recommend...?" Diana tentatively asked, filled with an apprehension that only Akko could give her.  
Akko jumped up from the bed and threw her arms into the air, as she had been wont to do since they had first met. "Yay!"  
"Uhh...?"  
"Trust me, Diana!" her beloved assured. "You won't regret this!"  
 _That would be a first_...  
  
The Astronomy Tower was as messy and cluttered as ever, with Professor Ursula stumbling back and forth with a stack of books and classroom utilities in her hands trying to file them away onto the shelf. She had a habit of trying to carry too much.  
"PROFESSOR!!!" came an outside voice, compounded with heavy knocking, Ursula immediately jumping and dropping everything with a clatter across the floor. What a mess. Again.  
Predictably, Akko's face was pressed against and spread out across the tiny diamond window in the door, her huge red eyes peering intrusively at her as she continued to knock incessantly.   
"Be right there..." Ursula sighed as she got to her hands and knees, attempting to at least pick up the scattered pens and compasses as the knocking only intensified. "Ok, fine!!!"  
She left the wreckage and approached the door, sighing heavily and pulling it open. Surprisingly, Akko wasn't alone.  
"Hello, Professor Ursula," addressed Diana, as cordial as ever.   
Diana's appearence startled the professor. She was paler than usual, with dark shadows falling below her typically bright blue eyes, now sunken and drained of their lustre. Her hair was wiley and seemingly thicker than ever, scratching at it compulsively before ripping out a thick tuft that she casually dropped as if nothing had happened.   
"Oh dear..." gasped Ursula. "Are you doing ok, Diana?"  
"That's what we're here to talk about..." Akko interjected before her girlfriend even had a chance to respond. "We're taking some... steps?"  
"Steps?" she questioned, unsure of the connotations.  
"Steps?" repeated Diana, unaware that Akko seemed to have staged an entire intervention.  
"Yeah! Steps!" Like a particularly excited puppy, Akko leaped into the room and pulled up the secondary chair to Ursula's desk. "We were wondering..." she said in a somewhat more awkward tone, the absurdity of the situation dawning on her. "... if you could help Diana with her... hair situation?"  
Diana had turned a shade of pink. "A-Akko..."   
The professor was similarly astounded by the gall of this girl. "Akko! I'm n-not... a-a professional..." she stuttered as she took a seat next to her and tried to look her dead in the eye, wavering in her embarrassment before sipping from her mug to calm her nerves.   
"Yeah, but you know some things that can help, right Professor?"  
Akko glanced to one of the photographs on her desk of a dour shaggy white-haired child holding a black cat and frowning, and then to the same girl smiling with her arm over the young professor, her hair now a lovely shade of lavender and somewhat longer. And infinitely more stylish.   
Ursula noticed Akko's keen observation. "Oh..."  
"Yeah! Professor Croix told me the other day!"  
She almost spat out her tea. "What?!"  
"Yeah!" Akko continued, as if this was a completely normal thing. "I follow her on social media. Apparently she's really close to finishing the Wagandea cure, and is due for parole soon!"  
"Um..." began Ursula, as a horrified Diana looked on wordlessly, struggling to process the insane thing that she had just heard.  
"But anyway!" Akko interrupted, as usual. "I climbed into her DMs to ask for relationship advice, and I told her my worries with Diana."  
"By the Nine, we're doomed..." Diana whispered.  
"... and she said...?" asked the professor, slowly and steeped with dread, already knowing the answer as sweat trickled down her forehead.  
"That you can give the best advice about her hair troubles! She said that you were really great with using magic to help with her self-image back when you were students! So... I was wondering if you could share your secrets...?"   
"Secrets? Akko, it's basic aesthetic magic. I thought I taught you this last year!"  
"I forgot..." was Akko's only predictable response.  
"What are we even accomplishing here?!" demanded Diana, growing tired of Akko's constant misunderstandings. The other two turned to her, surprised at the rare raising of her voice. "I'm sorry that we're wasting your time, Professor. Magic can't solve an issue of the mind. I just think it would be better - it would just be easier - to..." She trailed off, the idea still leaving her ambivalent.   
"Easier to...?" Akko innocently repeated, knowing full well what she was considering.   
Diana reluctantly formed the words. "Easier to... just cut it..." She took a breath, glad that she had at least been able to put the idea on the table for discussion, even if she wasn't completely sure.   
Wordlessly, she pulled up a third chair to the Professor's desk, with Ursula gesturing to the teapot.  
"No thank you..." Diana responded, trying to maintain a degree of a warmth in her voice to let them know that there was no ill-intent.  
"You've been thinking about this, haven't you?" asked the redhead, regarding the blonde with her kindly, understanding eyes. "I know that it must be difficult for you..."  
"Yes... it won't be the solution to my anxiety, but it could help to reduce at least one or two of the symptoms." A sad smile flitted across her face, before she gave the opposing argument. "On the other hand... this hair... means more than you could know..."  
Akko's memory was poor at the best of times, but something that Diana had told her last year stuck out in her mind. "Your mom..." she recalled with a whisper.   
"Yes... my mother..." Diana sadly recounted, her lips beginning to tremble. "M-Mother... I'm so sorry..."  
Akko knew this. Ever since Bernadette Cavendish had passed away, Diana had put in a conscious effort to emulate her appearence. She saw it as a way to keep her memory alive and to honour the woman who had given so much to the world and her daughter. A mother who had fiercely defended her daughter's right to fulfil her dreams, all the way to her dying breath...  
"My goodness..." gasped Ursula. "I couldn't imagine how difficult this must be for you..."  
Diana could often sense the spirit of Bernadette watching over her. Lacking the abilities of a seer, she couldn't be certain, of course, but the warm invisible aura that often flowed and circled around her, easing and protecting her even in her lowest moments, must have been the work of her late mother. Diana knew that her mother, in both life and death, would never judge her, and would encourage her to live in the way that she found most authentic and comfortable. Some of the last things that her mother had ever said to her still stuck in her head. " _Be proud to help people, show kindness, live for others, like I hope I did_..." The tender moment had been broken up by a coughing fit, as Bernadette slowly succumbed to her illness, but she still managed to get her point across. " _But... I want you to live for yourself. I want you to do what makes you happy... I love you so much, Diana_..."  
As such, the answer should have been obvious. But...  
Thinking about this never failed to release the veil holding back her tears.  
"Oh no... Diana... it's ok..." assured Akko as she stood and once again wrapped her arms around her weeping beloved. "Don't feel bad... don't feel bad..."  
"I'm such a screw-up..." she sobbed, too weak to even hold Akko back. "I can't do anything right!"   
Ursula saw that she was suffering and tried to cheer her up, albeit as awkwardly as ever. "Diana, if you were to look up 'screw-up' in a dictionary, you would find your picture under the antonyms."   
"Yeah!" Akko forced herself to giggle, not understanding the word but understanding the need to bring some levity to the situation. "And my picture would be just under the term!"  
Diana allowed herself to smile at their efforts. "You shouldn't sell yourself short, Akko..."   
"Only if you promise not to say silly things about yourself!"   
Diana gently untanged Akko's arms and pushed herself up, standing face to face with her. "Ok, deal," she agreed, still sniffing but trying to show some levity. She extended her arm out, and awkwardly gestured for Akko to seal the agreement. She initially seemed confused, but eventually took her hand and shook on it.   
"You're also way funnier than you think," Akko added.   
"What do you mean?" Diana asked, genuinely bewildered.   
"Don't ever change!" Akko laughed in response, leaning towards her as she parted her lips.  
Diana knew what this meant, and prepared herself to reciprocate...  
"Girls. Not in here," interrupted Professor Ursula, whilst also trying to hold back laughter towards her favourite idiots that weren't her wife.  
"Sorry, Professor..." they responded in unison - followed by simultaneous blushing as their synchronisation levels became as obvious as ever.   
To distract herself from the embarrassment, Diana took a step away from the others, and paced up and down the observatory.  
"Ok..." she mused, furrowing her brow as if in deep thought. "This question has always posed a dilemma. For a while I've thought that it would be a good idea - to cut my hair - and in my heart, I know that Mother would want it for me if it made me happy."  
"Then why are you still hesitating?" was Akko's question.  
Diana stopped pacing and turned on the spot. She would be plain about this. "Because since I was a child, I have refused to let anyone cut my hair in any substantial manner."   
"Ahh..." Akko recalled something about this from before, but she couldn't determine where or when she had heard it.  
"For as much as I loved him, my father didn't really understand things like Mother did. At least not quite at first. From about five or so, I stopped letting anyone cut my hair. Dad couldn't really comprehend that his handsome son preferred... not to be."   
Ursula's eyes widened, which Diana took immediate notice to.  
"What...? You can't be serious?" Diana scoffed, more inconsiderately than intended. "You didn't know?"  
"N-no... no-one told me..." stuttered Ursula, surprised that after all of the time that she had spent with Akko, this topic of conversation had never once reared its head.   
"Well, you do now."   
Holbrooke had redacted her medical records on her specific request upon enrolment, so that her secret was kept very closely under wraps. Regardless, it surprised Diana that she had never let it slip to the teacher that she by far trusted the most.   
"Thank you for telling me," Ursula said, now thinking about other people in her life. "I... had no idea."  
"No problem."  
Akko remained silent. Despite her own experiences, it wasn't her place to talk about it unless Diana brought it up first.  
"So your hair..." continued Ursula.  
"Yes..." Diana laughed bitterly. "I was more of a rebellious child than you would think. I threw tantrums when haircuts were even suggested. The idea horrified me, which I suppose is strange because the witch that cracked the proverbial egg, Shiny Chariot, was short haired and beautiful." Diana grinned. "Maybe you've heard of her," she glibly added.  
Whilst this information was in many ways overwhelming for Ursula, she couldn't help but smile at the number of people that she had inspired, shortly before experiencing her own pang of bitterness upon remembering Dream Fuel Spirit.  
"But yes. You really were quite formative in my development. I didn't just want to learn magic - I wanted to be a _witch_. And mother helped me to achieve this dream when I asked for help. Another reason why I'm hesitant to part with this hair."  
"Her mom put it in her will that Diana would get blockers if she still wished for it..." grumbled Akko. "Lucky thing..."  
"Yes..." shifted Diana awkwardly, thinking about the state of things. "Most of us have a harder time of it..."  
Ursula briefly glanced to Akko and then to the pictures on her desk, trying to hold back her own emotions. "We can only hope that the future is brighter..." was all that she could say, remembering the others that had confided in her.  
"But back to the immediate point," Diana resumed, as if nothing had been said at all. "For brevity, short hair makes me insecure because of the masculine connotations from when I was a child."   
Even when the mood was dour, Akko still found Diana's insistence on formality and purple prose to be adorable. It was quirks like these that made her impossible to be frustrated with.  
"Of course, that's nonsense," she acknowledged. "Short hair is common enough regardless, but little insecure me didn't want to take those risks. Now... maybe I should."  
"That's what I'm talking about!" yelled Akko, grinning from ear to ear. "You have to do what YOU want!"   
Diana smiled at Akko's enthusiasm. "Yes... what I want..."  
Ursula was happy for them. Their relationship was so pure; much like her own had been, before the bad times...   
"So, your decision is made...?" asked the teacher.  
"If I keep thinking about it... then I'll allow the doubts to consume me further. Yes, the decision is made."   
Ursula nodded, and proposed the options. "So, I presume that you'll want some help with the ins and outs of styling magic? It was a real godsend when I lived in disguise."  
Diana considered for a moment, before deciding. "No thank you... I have to do this myself."   
Ursula stood up, and rummaged through her desk drawers, before producing a pair of rusty scissors. Neither Diana nor Akko questioned why she stored them here, with the former taking them gratefully.   
"Do you have a mirror?" Diana asked Ursula, prompting the teacher to wordlessly stroll across the room to a large object draped in a silky red cloth. She pulled it off, revealing a tall rectangular mirror, with a frame comprised of perfectly preserved pinewood, polished and maintained. It must have been a Luna Nova original. Hopefully it wasn't sentient like the one that enjoyed playing pranks. The last thing that Diana needed was to turn into Akko as karmic retribution for the incident a couple of years ago.   
_Hello, my oldest adversary. This time, I win_...  
"There's so much I could say right now..." Diana remarked, looking upon her reflection, and trying not to recoil in her own self-hatred.  
"There is," agreed Akko. "There's so much left unsaid."  
"I have learned a lot from these experiences," she admitted, not taking her eyes off of the hunched, tousle-haired disaster that looked back. "Can you guess?"  
"Yeah..." Akko solemnly recounted. "Having such a tough time, you've become fixated on elements of yourself that trigger your anxiety... and it makes you think about your childhood, your mom, and whether you're ever doing the right thing. Diana, you are. You always do what's best. And if this is making you so emotional, it's because you're finally realising that your life is yours to live, and that we'll all support and love you no matter what. Because you're you, Diana. And we love you."  
Akko's heartfelt speech made Diana pause for consideration, and turn to her. She was the sweetest thing in the world, and she was truly, truly grateful to have someone like this in her life.  
"Nah," she dismissed. "I was just going to mention that I've always been kind of jealous of Amanda O'Neill. LET'S GO!!!"   
She twirled the scissors between her fingers as if showing off a knife trick, and immediately got to work.   
  
It was a most vicious display.   
Diana, flashing a grin so uncharacteristically sadistic that Akko was worried that Sucy was possessing her lover's body, hacked away at the waves falling beneath her shoulders. Baring her teeth at the mirror, she mercilessly cut until entire clumps were piled up, accumulating on the carpet below. There was no technique, and clearly no experience, not even any other equipment besides the singular pair of scissors she held in her hand that she continued to twirl like a trained killer - only a raw, primal urge to remove the ties that bound. It made her clumsy, and messy beyond belief, but she refused and was adamant in her refusal to allow anyone, even with more experience, to assist. It was her battle to fight. Her life to untangle.  
If she thought for even a moment about the grief that she could cause, if the doubts were allowed to even momentarily resurface and circulate, then her will could be lost. She would not stop. Aching for months, she knew that what she was doing was best for her - and that clarity of purpose carried her through as she cut more and more. She wasn't Bernadette. She wasn't Beatrix. She was no-one but who she chose to be, and both had been advocates for this freedom - a freedom that she would not have if it wasn't for the work of generations of kindness in her family. All of the doubt had dissipated. This was the best way to honour them all.  
Moving further upwards, Diana severed the bangs that hung below her ears, and finished the final stray curls drooping over her eyes. No distractions. It felt refreshing to rid herself of an annoyance that she had long taken for granted.  
As Diana finished up, Akko turned to Professor Ursula.  
"I had no idea that she would be so... well, that... about it..."  
"It happens," was all that the professor could say in response.   
"We might have underestimated how much she wanted this..."  
"Well... perhaps. But we gave her the extra push." She smirked. "Reminds me of my wife."  
Akko would still need to get used to hearing that. But at the same time, she cast her mind back to when the idea of dating Diana was unthinkable to her, so she had no real right to judge. After all, the other professor had been doing a lot of good as of late. Akko would have been lying if her impending return didn't excite her to at least some degree - with an appropriate level of apprehension, of course.  
Her thought process was interrupted by the clattering of metal against a wooden surface. Akko's eyes were drawn to the table beside Diana, where she had tossed the scissors, before looking to her, finding her leaning against the bookcase, looking awfully pleased with herself.  
"W-wow..."   
"What do you think...?" asked Diana with a degree of playfulness in her tone as she flashed her a subtle grin. She already knew what Akko thought - her pupils had at least tripled in size. As easy to read as ever.  
"I..."  
Diana had indeed achieved what she had set out for. What remained were ear-length waves, strangely elegant in their wild, disordered nature, green streaks brilliantly highlighting the thick blonde layers, devoid of the knots and unwanted offshoots that had plagued her over the previous months. Before, Akko may only have been able to witness a manic, visceral procedure undertaken by a frenzied, reckless Diana, but now the intent, the artistry, and the precision of her work was as evident as ever - like everything else. It was Diana, after all.  
"You're beautiful, Diana. I'm so proud of you."  
Diana froze, her smile fading. The dormant seed had sprouted.  
" _You're beautiful, Diana. I'm so proud of you_..."  
 _Mum_...  
Her mind was racing again. That was all it took.   
"No... no..."   
"Diana...?"  
Her thumb and forefinger began to restlessly tap together before she grabbed hold of the offending hand, squeezing until the colour drained.  
"I... I'm sorry..." choked Diana, making a break for the door.  
It slammed behind her, as Akko and Ursula were left incredulous, a pervading sense of guilt creeping up on them both.  
"I... I don't understand..." Akko sniffed to her teacher, trying to hold back tears.  
"Don't cry, Akko. It's not your fault," she responded, assuredly.  
"But..."  
"Stay strong, Akko. She's hurting, but I promise you that it's not your fault," Ursula asserted, who behind the mask was secretly trying to assuage her own guilt. "Would I lie to you?"  
All things considered, yes she would, but Akko was too tired to think about the technicalities and their pasts. "No, Professor..."  
Ursula put her academic head back on, and tried to explain the situation. "Exactly. I can't speak for Diana, but I can only assume that she's constantly swinging back and forth, like a pendulum. It's normal for big decisions like this. The reality that she's made said decision is likely only beginning to resonate."  
"I... don't like you psychoanalysing her like that, Professor," Akko made blunt. "It's not reassuring..."  
Ursula wasn't going to dispute this. It really wasn't her place.   
The two stayed silent for a moment, eyes fixed to the floor to avoid any further awkward or inappropriate conversations. But looking up at the picture frame of the two smiling girls from an entire previous life, she just couldn't help herself.  
"She reminds you of her... doesn't she?"  
Chariot didn't need to feign ignorance.   
"Yes..." she softly whispered. "In some ways..."  
"Does that scare you...?"  
Their eyes met.   
"No... it gives me hope."   
"Hope...?"  
She smiled. "Like you wouldn't believe."  
"Are you sure you're not projecting?"  
Her smile widened. "I thought that you were against psychoanalysis?"  
This elicited a giggle from Akko, brightening the mood a little. At the end of the day, all that they could both do was try. Even if they made mistake after mistake, they would still find a way to somehow get through it.  
"Promise me one thing, Akko," Professor Ursula implored.   
Akko was suddenly apprehensive again, unsure of what she was going to be asked. "What thing...?"  
"Let her know that she's not alone. Don't ever let her feel like she's alone. Promise me, Akko. Please, promise me."  
  
It had been the easiest promise in the world to make. For as long as she drew breath, Diana would never be alone.   
What was more difficult, however, was actually finding her. Akko had checked Diana's dorm room, only to find Hannah and Barbara, who were equally concerned as to where their friend might have been. She had also tried some of the societies that Diana was known to frequent, coming up with nothing, as well as speaking to Gaëlle, who was as clueless as she was. She had even searched their special place atop the hill overlooking the academy. Everything was a dead end.   
She flopped onto her bed, tightly clutching her four foot tall plush Alcor, which she made no secret to still sleep with. Where on earth could she be?   
She thought back to what Professor Ursula had told her. Diana was in dire need of support, but she felt utterly useless in her current state. She couldn't truly be sure of what was going on in that head of her's, but what she knew was that it was never about hair. That was a certainty.  
Lotte and Sucy had gone out to town for the evening, so she had the room to herself. But what use was that? She was lonely, frustrated, and worried beyond belief. She needed more people to help with her search, not fewer.  
"Diana... where are you...?" she wondered out loud.  
As if on cue, she received a polite knock on the dorm room door.   
"Ugh... come in..." It was probably Professor Ursula, here to give her back whatever she had inevitably left behind and forgotten this time.   
It swung open, and someone else stood in the doorway, adorned in a well-tailored brown suit and trousers, white silk gloves covering her hands as she leaned her shoulder against the door, arms folded. Her short blonde hair had been washed and parted, fringe pushed behind her ears as not to obscure her dazzling blue eyes. But what struck Akko the most was that rather than the bitter forced grimace that she was used to in their lowest moments, Diana's smile was captivating, a beam of sunlight to bring her back to the present.  
"Diana!"   
She leaped up, leaving Alcor to tumble to the ground, and rushed towards her.  
"So... I did a bit of thinking..." her handsome princess explained, "and I figured that you might like this. That _I_ might like this."  
"Where were you, Diana...? I was so worried."  
"Constanze's workshop. She lets me go down there to de-stress, but this time I ran into Amanda. I may have almost been responsible for giving our friend a heart-attack. When she recovered, well..." She gestured towards her attire and shrugged. "I figured why not? Amanda admitted to me how much you loved my suit when you visited the estate a few years ago."  
Akko was mortified. "I told her that in confidence!!!" She began to sweat.  
Diana laughed. "It doesn't matter now..."   
Akko moved to more pressing matters. "So... are you feeling any better now?"  
"Now that I'm with you? Yes. I'm feeling better."   
"That's good. That's good," she repeated. "That's really good."  
Akko retreated back to give Diana some room, allowing her to wander in, looking around.  
"Lotte and Sucy are out?"  
"Yeah, it should only be us for a few hours."  
Diana picked up Alcor and held him close to her chest, cuddling the enormous squishy plush toy that she had brought for Akko on their one year anniversary. Five hundred British Pounds - unbelievable. At least it made her girlfriend happy. Sometimes, the gilded cage of aristocracy had it's benefits.   
"Thank you for having patience with me, Akko... It's more than I deserve."  
"You're thinking about her again, aren't you...?" guessed Akko.  
"I'm often thinking about mother. More than you could imagine." She set Alcor against the bedpost, turning him away. He didn't need to see this.  
 _My god, I'm still personifying inanimate objects again... Some parts of me never did fully mature._  
"What you said... it reminded me of my mother. I overreacted. I am sorry."  
Akko threw her arms over Diana, as she had earlier, leaving her a little stiff and uncomfortable.   
"Don't be sorry, silly..." was all that Akko could say. "I understand everything."  
Diana was tempted to assert the contrary, but decided against it. She was so very, very tired, and Akko was going above and beyond.   
"Thank you... for everything. Forever and ever." She patted Akko's back, before they both disengaged.   
"So..." Akko still had to ask. "You gotta say that your hair is at least feeling a lot better, right?"  
"Yes..." admitted Diana, with a sad smile. "I won't dispute that."  
"See? Things are getting better! Just try not to think too much, ok?"  
"Will you be giving lessons on that?"  
"Rude!" exclaimed Akko, playfully. "And sure... if you would like..."  
This came off as significantly dirtier than intended, but knowing Diana, she wouldn't pick up on the accidental cues.   
"Akko... my hair problem... is only a symptom. I'm going through a lot. I feel a little better, but I've still got a steep mountain to climb. I hope you understand."  
This was her time. To keep the promise.   
"Diana... we'll climb it together. I'll carry you on my back if I have to." Quite literally, since she made a great elephant. "I'm never going to let you feel alone. Not ever."  
Diana smiled at her. She was so lucky. So, so lucky. "I love you so, so much..."  
She would have returned Akko's remark about not ever changing, but that was their prerogative. Change was good. To keep on living, she'd keep on changing. Even when it was all a haze: a wild, contradictory mess of a life that nevertheless belonged to her. And being able to share it with the kindest girl in the world made it all worth it.   
Without warning, the gloves were off, and she pulled Akko into her arms, holding her like a dancer would hold their partner. Her partner's eyes widened, before Diana leaned in closer and met her lips with her own. After their time in hold, Diana was pushed back against the bunk bed, rattled in her surprise.   
"And I love you too!" declared Akko before grabbing onto Diana's shoulders and moving in for a kiss of her own, not one to be outdone. The blonde let it happen, allowing Akko to slip in her tongue, bringing her hands behind the Brunette's head and pushing her own in return, as they became locked in each-other's embrace, savouring their touch. Nothing else mattered anymore. The future was as uncertain as ever, but at least they had this. They would always have this. The prospect of the mountain suddenly found itself to be a little less frightening.  
  
Surprised by such a turn, the ghostly woman that watched from the corner was nevertheless happy. It was good to know that they would be ok. Her beautiful daughter, who she was eternally, unreservedly proud of, and the wild, kind girl that had captured her heart.   
Bernadette turned away as they continued to kiss each-other passionately. That was their business. She would leave now, content that Diana was in the best company, well-equipped to fight her battles. They were safe together, and happy. They would be ok.  
She couldn't have been prouder.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Diakko Day! This was difficult to write, mechanically and emotionally, and I have to thank the friends who helped to proof my drafts. 
> 
> Note on Continuity:  
> This essentially serves as a standalone prequel to my project "First Time For Everything", so the canon of that text is carried over to here - although I made sure to leave certain aspects of Akko and the absent Croix mostly alone so that we could focus on Diana's experience.
> 
> Thank you so, so much! I really hope you enjoyed, and that the prose wasn't too bad. I try.


End file.
